Hey guys! I’ve been super busy lately trying to get ready for three trips, that got cancelled to two, plus taking care of everyday things that need done before I leave. For this I apologize for not being on here nearly enough. As I’m coming into the 24 hour stretch before I take off on my journey, I think about what it would be like to not always have to get up and go.
What you don’t know is that I’m in the reserves. No biggie, one weekend a month two weeks a year…..This has to be the biggest lie the Army has ever told me. With my military job, I have to go through a lot more training events than other military jobs. In fact in 2015, my training kept me away for about four months in addition to my weekend and annual training. While it beats being deployed for a whole year straight, it also makes it really hard to transition back from a military state of mind, to a family frame of mind, and go right back to it.
I’m also a single mother (DUH), so I have to prepare my little one for when I leave now too. Oddly enough when she was a baby I thought it would get easier, but now as she gets older, she really understands that I’m not going to be around and now she genuinely has feelings that she can display. This time around she is really sad about me leaving, and I am too. At times I feel like the worst mother in the world….after all what kind of single mom can just harden up, pack her stuff up and leave for a month or so at a time? Me, that’s who.
The Army is my family as much as my daughter is, and I realize the sacrifices I have to make. That’s why I still get up and go when I am needed to without any questions or hem-hawing trying to stay home. The Army is a great learning experience, I get to travel, and meet and try new things and people. I like to make a key note and say I don’t always facetime my daughter or call her everyday while I’m gone. Sometimes the training doesn’t allow me too, or sometimes I emotionally can’t handle it. We are all human, and that’s my weakness. I can’t let my daughter see how sad I am, or she will be too. Can’t make life harder for those around me.
So I sit and think, about what it would be like to not have to go to a military event. To be able to see my daughter’s first day of school (I missed her first day of pre-school, and I might miss kindergarten too), to go to her events. I want to go to a concert, or huge event, that always coincide with my army dates (Coincidence…..the army knows how ruin a good time lol). But for now, I still have a contract to finish up, and during this time I will continue to think about being in the military or being a free civilian…and when the time is right, I will make my move. Have a great weekend and stay safe!